"She is my mom. She is the sunlight I crave when my days are
gloomy. She is the shade I desire when the days are harsh. She is my cup of hot
chocolate when I am sad. She is my inspiration when I am bogged down. She is my
go-to-aid when I am hurting. She is the answer-key to all questions about life
that boggles me. She is the reason why I exist. She is the reason this world is
a little more tolerable. She is my mom."
My life would not have been the same without her. Now that I
am away from her ( a few thousand miles) a mere thought of her brings tears to
my eyes.
My memory immediately flies me to the world I have left
behind.. to my home, to my mom.
My day started with an early morning tea with piping hot
breakfast awaiting me, as I try hard to wake myself up out of my deep slumber.
From my breakfast to my dinner, everything was taken care of, that too with
love. My health was on top of her priority list.
She has watched me closely working on my goals. There were
times when the world have raised doubts over my goals. I, myself have faltered
at times to show courage and confidence in self. However, she was somehow
always certain that I have all that it takes to do as I please. And I believed
her. I was never confident about my prowess. But I was confident about hers.
Somewhere at the back of the mind, I knew that her beliefs could be
unreasonable, baseless and may be stemming out of the unconditional love for
her child. I tried to markdown the confidence she used to show in me. Fortunately,
I went out to achieve the kind of peak which was unheard of. I know she takes
pride in talking about me and my achievements. The gleam in her eyes gives it
away. And I am happy to have given her the opportunity to do so. That is the
least that I could do.
She has seen me take on this tiring journey to achieve my
dreams and eventually slip into the unforgiving corporate world. While I
struggled to work towards my dreams, I have had some bad and some good days. There
were times, when my days were loaded with self doubt and criticism. Her
positive outlook did not do much to help me fight my demons. But it gave me
enough strength to keep moving forward. It helped me to fight the urge to quit.
The faith in her eyes made me push myself a little more. Even that tortoise
pace was of utmost importance to reach where I am today. Sometimes it does not
matter as to how fast you are, but it matters that atleast you are trying.
Today it might not seem to be getting you anywhere, but some day it will get
you somewhere.
I have also had my share of quarrels and arguments with her.
And that happened quite frequently. But her every argument was aimed at my
well-being. She fought with me for me. Though she never forced things on me
which we didn’t agree on, she always pursued that matter long enough to atleast
make sure that I realize the repercussions of doing what I wanted. You choose
your own demons- her lesson to me. She made sure that I made sound choices. She
was prudent enough to let me make my own mistakes and loving enough to steer me
out of tricky choices.
She encourages me to try new things. But when I do things
which do not add any value, she is the first to wonder about it. She hates it
when I try to do something out of compulsion. She knows that may be something
ought to be done, but it disturbs her to see me do things I do not like. I am
not sure how she feels when she sees her child giving up the fight against the
unruly expectations the world has from her. In my defense, the fights are small
and those loses win me peace. But the disappointment on her face never goes
unnoticed.
Her hugs were warm and made me forget of all the shit I have
been through. Nothing mattered when I was lying in her lap. It took me to a
different world altogether. It was my wonderland. I think, given a chance she
would weave a world specifically customized just for me which is as warm and loving
as her.
She was the first to tell me that life is not fair and just.
And it is alright to feel cheated and uncertain. I miss those times when she
would narrate her life experiences to explain as to how she has walked through
the tough times. Back then, I would smirk at how unreal those incidents
sounded. But I realize now that your life goes through tons of tunnels of
darkness, each has demons waiting to scratch out your enthusiasm for life. Each
tunnel may seem unreal and untrue. But they exist.
I am made of everything that she taught me- Courtesy, Self- Respect, Compassion, Empathy.
I am a tiny part of her..And someday I want to be her.
